everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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