TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
