it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
