Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
