He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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