I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
