i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
