can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize