I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
