my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
