Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
