They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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