now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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