you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
