Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
