biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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