My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
