it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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