I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
