I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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