how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
