she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
