I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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