this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
