He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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