how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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