The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize