Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
