Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
