wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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