sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing