U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
