Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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