im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
