Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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