I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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