Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
