You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
