This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
