dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
