i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
