she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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