Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
