he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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