Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
