Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm having to shit out rocks
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