I should be sponsored by Trojan
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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