in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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