Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
