She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
