so explain again why im purple
no
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
