i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
