my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
