i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
