I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
