Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
