My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.