WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.