I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
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I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then