how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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