some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
