You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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