just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
