If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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