so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
don't judge my taste in strippers
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
