I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
soo... how was my night?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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