Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
