i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
