Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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