Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
