you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
