mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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