hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
